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Yup, I've got to be up now because I've got some skating to do. Actually, there's lunch, skate sharpening, bank visiting, and people pickuping as well, but the main focus of the day will be skating. I should get ready soon, I have to leave in less than an hour.
Anyway, KGL and Laz both have things up. I agree with Craig, it's one's own walls that prevent them from being happy. I also got some very interesting insight from someone far away about being too nice. I was told that guys who are too nice lose their "boy" status and are labeled as "just friends". I might be inclined to agree. Nice guys finish last right? Well, what are your opinions?
Saturday, December 23, 2000 at 15:25:39 (UTC)
I vehemently disagree about "nice guys finishing last". You can be good at empathizing and still retain the masculinity that is so attractive to women. In fact, lots of guys achieve this satori all the time -- even if one or the other element is faked (just ask any girl with an ex)!
The thing to avoid is being a wet noodle: ie indecisive, ambitionless, inarticulate, too accomodating, and generally lacking in self-esteem.
Healthy girls and guys both steer clear of people like that -- at least romantically.
It's basic baboon behaviour, really: one-on-one, be sensitive and nurturing (pick fleas off each other's backs) -- but in public, make a loud noise, challenge all alpha males, and be good at something (hunting, thinking, painting, whatever!).
The above was just an analogy... I hate the field of "evolutionary psychology" and their TLC boosters!
Reg <e-mail>
Wednesday, December 27, 2000 at 05:50:17 (UTC)
Not all girls tend to avoid the type of guys that you've described (I couldn't help but notice that just about all of those comments ended up describing me). Of course, those are probably the ones that prefer to have a pet rather than a companion. It's also stereotypical to think that all nice guys are spineless, but people like that do come out looking "nice" because they can't really rub you the wrong way when you generally don't even notice them.
My "nice guys finish last" comment was a stereotypical comment just from my mouth and not the person who I was talking with. Although I still think that truly nice guys will not take unfair advantage of situations, while not-so-nice guys don't have such scruples. That could lead to situations where the not-so-nice guy could sabotage any attempts of a nice guy at doing things, finding a job, finding a girl, etc.
Now I'm going to get a little off topic, but I hate selling myself. I hate writing resumes and going to interviews where you have to try to impress your potential employers that you're the best thing since sliced bread. (Actually, my last - and only - interview was good. It was very relaxed and I didn't exaggerate.. too much. ;) This is also one of the reasons why I hate studying (apart from the fact that I'm lazy). Why bother studying when you probably won't remember any of it afterwards? You might as well be tested on what you know, and not on what you can cram. That's a great theory, but in practice I still forgot most of the stuff afterwards.
Okay, enough ranting, let's get back on the subject at hand. That person's main point was that by being too nice (like, being a shoulder to cry on, etc.) to someone in a rough spot may label you as "just a friend". What do you think?
Personally, being the victim of such a situation - with someone who I had a big crush on - I can relate. In fact, I don't think if I've ever gotten involved with anyone who I've given a shoulder to cry on, whether I was interested in them or not. Maybe I'm just a freak, but I don't think I'm the only freak.
QYV