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Hmm.. I think I may have figured out why Netscrape kept crashing on me.. had to do with the little javascript thing I had working for the link down below. Well, took it off, and it seems to work fine now.
What another great day today. Got my hair cut this morning. I look scalped now. But even with most of my hair removed, it still looks really poofy. *shrug* I just hope my kids don't get my hair..
Got a ride back here from my Dad. Which meant I had to cancel the Waffle date with Squishy, and tell TP not to wait for me at the station. No problem, no harm done. To top it off, I was able to bring over a considerable amount of food from home to stock me up for the next week or so. Speaking of food, I still have to arrange a time for lunch this week.. hmm..
On the trip back, I did a lot of sleeping, but a bit of thinking, and some wondering. This was in conjunction with my parent's questions of what I will do after I've finished (heh.. make that if I finish) my masters. I told them that I didn't know, which is the truth, even though it doesn't sound very.. fulfilling for an answer. I really don't know what I want to do. What would I do if I found the woman of my dreams here? Would I stay or would I go? If I were single, I would have many possibilities.. it's very difficult to choose from that great a variety of outcomes. But if I had someone.. would that limit me? Would I want that? Just about everyone I know has a significant other. Well, except for HKL, the programmer formerly known as MJO, and weirDo.. although I don't really check for sure (except for the dude formerly known as MJO). This also ties in with the e-mail that.. you know, I really should use a shorter name for the one living in England ATM. Let's call him MJO. Anyway, this all ties in with the e-mail that MJO sent to me just recently, about how one can become amazingly successful and rich by the time he's 35, but have no one to share it with. Sure, you have money, but what is money good for?
I have no answer for that, even though I've been thinking of the same question. I think I've been avoiding answering this question for many years now. Much of my life has continued without real direction. Some people have their entire lives planned out, they know what they will do, what they will become.. But isn't the beauty of the future the fact that it is unknown to us? The fact that we cannot determine our own fate? In the end, MJO admits
I don't know - every once in a while, I get the feeling that perhaps we've lost sight of something - a higher goal, maybe.
But perhaps it is true, and I have no real purpose. For what other purpose does the human race have but to multiply? What other purpose does each human being have but to become immortalized by their offspring? What is the purpose of life?
All I'm doing now is coasting.. avoiding "real work" and refusing to bond with the society that spawned us. But without the support of our society, our great human race is nothing more than a bunch of mindless workers.. led by a few, who give the directions, but have no true map of what the future holds. How can they? The future is unknown, and we're racing towards it at full steam, gathering speed with every tick of the clock..
Geez, what kind of ramble is this? A hodgepodge of thoughts put together in a semi-cohesive glop of consciousness.. and not altogether uplifting. Still, when I was with ShadowWhyspr, I guess I was able to forget about all of that, I was able to accept society, and join the ranks of the unknown. I could see my future before me, and see what I could become.. Funny, how a bunch of chemicals can make someone so conforming.
It's times like these that I hate being human.
The questions I have now are..
What do I want? Who am I? Why am I here? Where am I going?
Funny how I only think of these things when I'm depressed. Except that I'm not, and these questions will have to be answered someday.
Holy crap. Went by Growly's site where he's finally put up links to his old homepages. My god, they are definitely much better than mine ever will be. Geez, I guess he also kept them updated.. for about a couple of months at least. Keeping your page up-to-date is a big pain-in-the-butt and if you have other things to do (like entertaining a gf) I highly doubt one would have time for these trivialities.
Heh.. that sort of reminds me about a little story my Mom told me an my sis. You see, my sister is going out with.. a non-Chinese guy. (I forgot.. I think he's Portuguese?) Anyway, our parents are fairly liberal, (even though my dad would've preferred someone else), but my grandmother is a little bit more set in her ways.. even though she won't admit it. My sis is planning to go to Singapore with her bf this summer, and they have a little problem. Should they go by Hong Kong (where our other grandmother - who's much less liberal - lives) then it may scare her. But if they don't go..
See the problem? Funny though, from most of the oriental people that I know, only one of them us going out with another person who's oriental. The rest are going out with Caucasians (for lack of better word). Ain't this country grand? Mind you, it all seems natural to us. Well me at least. I believe that the people I know can see past the racial differences and admire the person underneath. So it stuns me a great deal, to see so much hatred in the world; how some people cannot see past the skin - closing themselves off from such a great wealth of knowledge and understanding. But that is not the even the most worrisome problems.. the tragedy is that these people will teach their children, and their children's children, to continue an unending cycle of hatred. That is the tragedy, since it is something that I cannot stop, for who can you trust if not your parents?
*sigh* I went off on a tangent there.. I should probably keep this short. Feeling a little philosophical ATM.. MJO's very good at making me think this way. That and all the talk about the Littleton massacre..
Well.. now you may realize why I want to be able to control the greatest destructive force in the universe.. and the first question.. What do I want? Right now.. what I want is still too far out of reach.. and perhaps, when I do reach it, I may not want it anymore. I hate being fickle.
Oh man, I guess I missed out on the Simpsons.. Dang nabbit.. I left my watch at home. I still need to eat dinner, so I'll be signing off now. Catch me in a better mood.
Wednesday, June 28, 2000 at 17:58:31 (UTC)
In the words of Tommy Boy :
"Chinese girls good for marriage, white girls are good for girlfriend."
*cackle*
Don Hwan
Wednesday, June 28, 2000 at 18:20:23 (UTC)
This entry is fraught, FRAULT with commentable things!
1. In paragraph 4, you seem to be stuck in that ole "what if...?" paradox, that stops one from getting involved because of convenience issues. BAH I say.. BAH! People have had relationships under harsher conditions.. you think the only time to get involved is under the right circumstance, the right time, the right job, etc etc?? This isn't a shuttle launch! Just go for it!!
Oh, and don't forget to talk about it on The PIT! *laugh*
2. Regarding the meaning of life, I'd guess that the answer is that everyone has their OWN solution and there's no right or wrong about it. I know it's cliche, but I think one should just do what one enjoys. In time, you'll find out what it really is.
3. In the fifth to last paragraph: "But if they don't go..."
But what? I don't see what the problem is.
4. What exactly is the use of controlling the greatest destructive force in the universe, anyway? Doesn't absolute power corrupt absolutely? Haven't you read The Ring of Gyges? Even if you didn't exercise that power, the fact that you controlled it would result in people fearing you, perhaps even despising and hating you. I didn't realize you had such despotic tendencies!
Essentially, you seem to want to make yourself a god (of destruction and tyrannical control) -- and I don't think you'd be happy in that situation.
Dr. Fu Hwanchu
Thursday, June 29, 2000 at 11:48:06 (UTC)
Call me hc. Or mjo - it's my newsgroup name, as of last night.
As for the meaning of life, I agree with what Hwan said - it's an interesting question, but if you focus on it too much, you'll never find the answer. Just live, and do what seems like a good idea!
As for GFs and so on, well, choices have to be made from time to time. Either you can keep yourself uncommitted for your entire life, or you can make some choices and deal with them. Going out with someone doesn't commit you for life! The hassles of making things work are more than worth it.
And yes, thanks for reminding me. I'm single. Know any cute geekgirls in the UK?
(I wouldn't mind being a god, but I don't think I'd bother with the destruction and tyrannical power though. I'd be happy with being super-human, as opposed to all-powerful.)
MJO
Thursday, July 06, 2000 at 16:48:14 (UTC)
I don't have time to answer all the points, but I'll comment on a couple.
1. The gf thing. Good question. Do you go for it, or do you not go for it? I have waited and gotten burned before, and I also have jumped at an opportunity and gotten burned as well. Actually, every time I jumped at an opportunity, I've been burned in the end. *thinks* Perhaps it's a learning experience, perhaps it'll make me stronger, there are other issues at work ATM, but in any case, que sera, sera.
2. Perhaps there is no meaning to life? Well, maybe the meaning of life is life itself (as the cliche goes). *shrug* I think that thinking about the meaning of life will give new meaning and purpose to your own, since continuing on in life without any reason doesn't make life worth living.
3. It's unfortunate, but I forgot the problem with girl not going to Hong Kong. There was something behind that (why won't she visit if she's nearby? is something wrong?). But I can't remember for sure.
4. My question is, do YOU know what the most destructive force in the world is?
Finally, there's nothing wrong with being single. I say that all the time and I mean it. There's nothing wrong with having a significant other either. It's whatever makes you happy right?
QYV
Thursday, July 06, 2000 at 17:03:09 (UTC)
Wait.. are you then referring to something specific when you say "the most destructive force in the universe/world"? Which are you talking about, the world or the universe? Please explain.
Hwancho