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I went to bed early last night and ended up getting a number of vivid dreams. Unfortunately, they weren't vivid enough to remember this morning except for a couple.
One was set in some sort of game like environment, although it felt really real. It's like that Japanese show they've got showing on Spike TV where they put together an environment similar to a game area and then put live people through it.
Anyway, I was this girl (don't ask me how I know, I didn't check) and there was some sort of task that I needed to do. The environment was a large underground cave like structure which a huge indoor lake/marsh. There were dry areas near the walls, with a platform on both sides of the cave. One could take the long dry route near the wall to traverse from one platform to the other, but it was much faster to walk/swim across the marsh/lake. I needed to pick up something from one side and bring it over to the other side, so I was running over the marsh/bog area, cringing every time my feet made contact with the cold murky water.
After I had gathered what I needed to get on the other side, I started heading back. I wasn't sure if I wanted to take the dry route or wet route, but I fell into the water. Now in third person, I willed myself to swim across the lake, knowing that there was some large shark that was patrolling the premises. I made it to the other platform and pulled myself up just as the shark reared it's huge head to bite me. The fish was HUGE! It was the size of a small whale, but on closer inspection, I realized that it wasn't a shark at all. It was a cat fish! It started to struggle as the water level dropped, and despite being stuck on land, it was able to sliter around on the land without much trouble. I had dropped my planner, which held the important information I needed, into the water next to the platform as I was escaping the fish's lunges. The water was only a few inches deep there, so I was debating whether to go down and retrieve it.
The decision was made for me when the fish quickly slithered over to the book and swallowed it in one gulp. Then the fish dared me to come down to get it back. With a mocking voice, it bellowed,
"Does HE do that to you?"
At that point I was pissed, so I jumped off the platform in front of the cat fish. It was a ten meter drop, but I landed softly. The cat fish started to move towards me with it's mouth agape, and that's when I shifted myself back in time..
A short scene I remember was from a point in time when I was sitting on a couch with my head against some Tooma's leg. But she got up and walked away, so I shifted down the sofa and ended bumping into Tooha's leg. He got up and walked off too, so I had the whole couch to myself.
The couch was situated outside the front of a large house, with one of those drive through driveways and a covered front entrance. I eventually got up to look around and these two guys I didn't recognize came out from the house, completely naked, prancing around like they just didn't care.
Ah, I remember another scene. I was in some sort of city with girl. We were exploring the harbor next to the river, and had wanted to get some sort of boat ride? But she wanted to find Dangerman first, so we went searching for him in the docks..
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That's funny, I think I got more sleep last night than usual, but I'm feeling beat already. I wonder if I've got bags under my eyes or anything.
I'm also stiff and sore, and I still haven't fished my week of activities yet. (I think I've only got Thursday night off this week.)
Oh hurrah.
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Well, the words I was waiting for have been said. Mind you, I was hoping for something a little more in person rather than over e-mail, but it wasn't as if it was really much of a shock. I had expected this sort of outcome since last year when I brought up my confession.
It's taken this long for the words to come to light. I still have to ask later, just so that there will be some sort of conclusion to this saga, but the outcome is already clear and the path I need to follow is now laid out before me.
I'm still happy that I was given this second chance. Ever since that day a year ago, when I knew I had to take a detour from life. I needed to try. I needed to know. I knew I didn't try hard enough the first time, and because of that I was doomed to failure. But now I know that I have failed even when I gave it my all. That's a frightening revelation.
But she was worth it. Out of all the people that I know, she would've been the one I could accept that from. Well, her and one other..
Now what? What choices do I have at this point? Funny enough, I have the same choices I had when I found out the news last year. I am back to where I was, but a little wiser, a little bit older, and a little more courageous. I've also gained an ally who I can fall back on lest I need one. That is something that I've been missing for a long time. That was something that I needed last time. That will be something I'll be using in due time.
The investment here isn't in vain. That much I know. I knew that when I first decided to step off the path to pursue this opportunity. It was a chance I was given to do what I should've done the first time, ten years ago, when she turned around in that stairwell to greet me. I'm glad I chose wisely.
But.. there is still one more thing..
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Ugh. I feel awfuly constricted in these slacks. (Not a lot of slack huh? Okay, bad joke.)
Anyway, I've signed up for that Microsoft thing next Wednesday. We'll see how it goes huh?
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I've been looking into buying a shredder to get rid of some of my documents. A quick peek at Staples doesn't show a whole lot of cheap shredders.
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It doesn't seem so bad anymore. I guess this gradual acceptance thing might work too? I dunno, we'll see what the options are.
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That's funny. HT went to the Staples site to find something to get with the $50 off a $100 dollar purchase deal and couldn't find anything interesting to get. I went looking for a shredder and found a great deal!
Well, to make a short story shorter, my new shredder should be arriving sometime tomorrow. Then I'll be shredding away it seems!
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I feel like I'm ready to fall asleep here. Did my circadian rhythm get thrown out of whack? I wouldn't be surprised if it was..
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Geez, I remember hearing talk about Sauna Shak at the game on Saturday, but I didn't realize that they wre talking about the picture on the CAHL website! I thought that was the REAL Shak! Man, the resemblance is uncanny..
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