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I got this story from KM this morning.
The Purina Diet
I have a Labrador retriever.
I was buying a large bag of Purina Dog Chow at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out.
A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
On impulse, I told her that no, and that I was starting The Purina Diet again. Although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy who was behind her.
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.
I told her no; I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls when a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to pee himself as he laughingly staggered to the door.
There are lots of versions of this joke on the net so I'm not sure if this is the original.
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I had some grapes and cherries sitting in my fridge for a week. Unfortunately, I never got around to eating them when I first got them so when I checked them out this morning, I noticed that one grape had a small tuft of white hair.
I was hungry and didn't have anything else to eat so I started picking through the grapes and cherries, looking for ones that had not gone bad yet. I hope I don't get sick.
Of course, the amount of time I spent examining each fruit would have been about the same amount of time that I would have spent making something else, like oatmeal, but I really did want to get rid of these without having to throw them out. It's wasteful you know?
Things weren't going my way today. When I got to work, I realized that I had forgotten my wrist brace. I didn't think I could play badminton that well without it but I figured that I should show up anyway.
I also wanted to get my hair cut, so I headed to the salon before going to my parent's place and found a sign posted on the door:
[The] hair salon will be closed from July 31 to August 7. Sorry for the inconvenience.
Argh! I knew I should have gotten my hair cut last week!
To top it off, I went to badminton and started putting on my court shoes. When I had problems getting my feet in, I looked down and realized that I had brought my cleats instead! I took that as a sign and headed home.
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