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As the hustle and bustle of owning my own place dies down, and as my patrol duties have slowly been reduced, I've suddenly found myself with some chunks of free time.
I've normally used this free time to relax and recharge for the next barrage of events that I've got lined up for the next week or so, but I've slowly found more time to do things that I haven't had time for before. Mind you, I don't have time to start a number of projects for my website but I have been able to read some manga over the past couple of weeks. Namely Pretty Face, Midori no Hibi, Chobits, Monster, and Koi Kaze. Most of these stories are romantic comedies, except for Monster (which is an action drama) and Koi Kaze (which is a romantic drama).
I guess the first few stories started highlighting a very obvious fact in my life: I have no girlfriend. I haven't had one, or one resembling one, for many years. I've been constantly using excuses to avoid the hassle of getting into a relationship (too busy, want to move out, etc.) but in the end, none of these excuses I've used were truly preventing me from finding a companion. If I really wanted to find someone to go out with, I would've put the effort and time into looking for someone. I'm now running out of excuses, and this extra time has definitely made me realize what I've been missing out on.
Koi Kaze pointed out something else that I've known all along: It's not my decision to make a girl like me. I've been spending time trying to improve myself, learning new things, acquiring new skills, but in reality I'm just using it as an excuse to stay away from committing to someone. All I need to do is to open up and be myself and let her decide, rather than try to decide what she likes and be that person. (I'm pretty sure there were enough sitcoms based on that premise.)
I don't think the problem is actually finding someone, but committing to someone. I'm afraid of making mistakes, I don't want to be with someone I don't want to be with and then have to make that hard decision. I just don't want to make her sad.
